Often, many people recognise the classic signs of domestic abuse, such as physical abuse or sexual abuse. However, they may fail to notice rarer signs that themselves or somebody they know is stuck in an abusive relationship. It is important to raise awareness of lesser-knownways in which domestic abuse presents itself. Equally, more needs to be done to eradicate the misconception that some forms of domestic abuse are more serious or worrying than others.
The forms of abuse that often go unreported include forms of verbal abuse and control. Furthermore, a common form of abuse is emotional manipulation or bullying. When a survivor is experiencing this type of abuse, the abuser may employ tactics such as gaslighting to sow self-doubt or confusion in the mind of the victim. They may also belittle or criticise the victim in order to reduce their self-worth and make them feel inferior. A real-life account from “Anna” evidences the type of behaviour an abuser may exhibit. “Anna”, who found herself in an abusive relationship at the age of 15, reported that her abuser utilised "anything that he could pick at me with, my weight, so I became anorexic, the way my skin was because I suffer with eczema and he didn't like it and he made fun of it.” Abusers may also attempt to exercise strict control over the day-to-day life of survivors. They may demand to know where survivors are going and who they will be with. Equally, they may attempt to track their phone without their knowledge, or demand access to it. Micala, whose fifteen-year-old daughter Holly Newton was murdered by her abuser in 2023, said that her abuserwanted to control Holly and needed to "know where she was at all times". Another form of control and coercion is economic control. Using this form of control, the abuser may attempt to reduce the independence of their victim by exerting control of how much money they can spend and on what. They might even attempt to prevent their victim from working and earning their own money at all. This forces the victim to become more reliant on their abuser. Therefore, it is clear that domestic abuse manifests itself in many ways other than just physical abuse. According to Micala, "Certain levels of abuse are taken more seriously than others, like the controlling side of things and is it stalking, constantly texting people and ringing? Hollie was never physically abused, but she was definitely abused in other forms.”
If you think that you’re being abused in any way, it’s important to be aware that you do not have to wait for an emergency situation before you seek help. Once you’ve taken the step of acknowledging that you may be a victim of abuse, it’s vital to let people know, whether that’s a support organisation or a loved one. They should reassure you that it’s not your fault and point you to resources such as the National Domestic Abuse Hotline (0808 2000 247).
It’s equally important to be aware of signs of domestic abuse and violence in people who you know. They may be less confident or “not their usual self” when they are with their partner. Conversely, when they’re not with their partner, they may experience very frequent calls or attempts from their abuser to check up on them. They may also leave suddenly upon their request. As it’s likely that their abuser may also attempt to exert financial control over them;you may also find them worrying about the amount of money they are spending, and what they’re spending it on.
If you think that somebody you know is suffering from domestic abuse, it is important to broach the subject with concern and kindness. Don’t wait for somebody else to start the conversation. In a fifth of cases of domestic abuse last year, nobody else knew what was going on. Hence, reaching out is important. When reaching out, it is vital to create a welcoming environment, as “evidence shows that victims are much more likely to confide in a friend or someone close to them, than to the police or professional services”. Given the emotional manipulation that many victims experience, once they’ve decided to open up to you, it’s important to let them know that you believe them, and you want to help. Assure them that it’s not their fault and thank them for having the bravery to open up to you. Following this, it’s crucial to ensure that they’re aware of help and resources that they can access. However, you must also be patient and be aware that it is ultimately the victim’s choice of when, how and if they decide to seek help. Due to the emotional manipulation that many victims go through, they may be hesitant to seek help - Shannon Morgan, whose sister Denise Morgan was murdered in October of 2023, acknowledges that “it’s (an abusive relationship) shame, it’s embarrassing.” Nevertheless, she urged victims not to hide “anything from your family, sometimes as women we tend to ignore this behaviour - the jealousy, the controlling - and you’re embarrassed to speak out about it because you know that you’re going to go back to the abuser.”
To conclude, it is clear that domestic abuse can take many different forms besides from physical abuse or sexual abuse. Despite recent attempts to educate people on the many types of domestic abuse and their signs, it is clear that there is still a way to go. It is vital that emotional manipulation and digital control are recognised by the public as forms of domestic abuse in the same way as physical abuse and sexual abuse. Acts such as insults and bullying are designed to lower the self-worth of victims and often precede serious physical harm. Therefore, it is vital that victims are aware that coercion, threats, and verbal or emotional abuse are equally serious forms of abuse, and they should not feel as if they’re expected to wait until they experience physical or sexual harm before they can seek help.
Bibliography
‘Denise Morgan: Sisters of Woman Shot in New York Warn over Abuse Signs’ BBC News (22 November 2023) <https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c808yl047z3o>
Freeman A, ‘Holly Newton’s Family Issue Abusive Relationship Warning’ BBC News (2 November 2024) <https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2yk88xmz1o>
‘Holly Newton’s Family Issue Abusive Relationship Warning’ BBC News (2 November 2024) <https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2yk88xmz1o>
‘Holly Newton’s Family Issue Abusive Relationship Warning’ BBC News (2 November 2024) <https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2yk88xmz1o>
‘How to Help | Neighbourhood Watch Network’ (www.ourwatch.org.uk) <https://www.ourwatch.org.uk/crime-prevention/crime-types/domestic-abuse/how-help>
‘How to Help | Neighbourhood Watch Network’ (www.ourwatch.org.uk) <https://www.ourwatch.org.uk/crime-prevention/crime-types/domestic-abuse/how-help>
Comments